Oct 27, 2021
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More than 70% of people say they have regrets related to their ideal self. If you’re a human, you’ve most likely been in relationships and situations that spark regret, shame and confusion on what to do and who to be in the moment. So often, people spend time trying to please everyone around them. The way you dress, the way you style your hair, where you sit in the meeting, all of these decisions are so easily influenced by a want and desire to be given approval from the right people. But what about you? What do you want? How often are you spending time apologizing for feeling, and even better how often are you downplaying that you even feel anything? Najwa Zebian is an activist, poet and celebrated author. She joins Lisa for a second time to discuss how she came to radical self acceptance, and share the startling fact that we may actually be gaslighting ourselves when we diminish and disregard the pain we feel when vulnerability has been betrayed in the hands of the wrong person.
Najwa’s Questions for Self-Acceptance:
“When you build your home and other people you give them the power to make as homeless” -Najwa Zebian
Gaslighting Yourself | Why diminishing your painful experience lessens your self-worth [0:40]
Homeless | How we build homes in others and end up homeless when they walk away [6:37]
Toxic Savior | Trying to save someone doesn’t mean you’re owed anything, that’s toxic [9:47]
Proof of Love | Examining the real cost of having someone love versus what you receive [16:03]
Self-Aware | The need to be aware of your triggers and the filter you’ve created for life [19:56]
Self-Acceptance | Self-acceptance versus indifference and know who you’re accepting [25:59]
Identity Crisis | Najwa shares the personal crisis that made her question her identity [33:59]
Being Hurt | Why you need to acknowledge the hurt and know healing in your power [39:30]
Vulnerability | How to be open to vulnerability after being hurt even in protection mode [45:24]
Unwinding Triggers | Finding the origin of your triggers and allow yourself to feel it [51:56]
Self-Judgement | Not blaming or judging yourself for allowing things to happen [55:36]
“You should never be okay with being treated that badly. You should never be okay with being betrayed. You should never be okay with having someone you trusted so much to turn around and treat you as if you never meant anything to them. You should never be okay with that.” Read by Lisa [0:46]
“Don't push yourself to a point where you gaslight yourself out of your own pain” [2:09]
“When pain knocks on your door, if you keep it out the door, yeah, it might stay there for a while, but you're adapting your life to noise in the background.” [5:45]
“The foundation of your home is self acceptance and self awareness. Once you have those two elements, you can build whatever home you want within” [9:23]
“Let me separate what I've chosen to give you from what you've chosen to reciprocate” [12:47]
“You don't deserve someone's burdens to be placed on your back for them to believe that you actually love them.” [17:18]
“Once you become aware of yourself, historically, and in the moment, you're golden” [25:49]
“The one who broke you cannot heal you. You have to heal you. You can't expect the person who broke you into pieces to bring those pieces and say I'm gonna put you back together.” [42:32]
“Vulnerability is beautiful, it is what's needed for connection to happen, but vulnerability [...] is being open to injury” [44:14]
“Boundaries aren't about being in protection mode. Boundaries are about knowing that what you have within is so valuable that you will not allow certain people to come near it or hurt it or whatever. Boundaries stem from self worth.” [48:46]
“The ending itself is not what you need to change, the storyline is what you need to change and that's in your hands.” [1:01:20]
Follow Nejwa Zebian