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Women of Impact


Jun 23, 2021

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How often have you spent time with people you love only to feel frustrated and misunderstood? As humans we are all so complex in our network of feelings and emotions. Unfortunately, we’ve been raised thinking that negative emotions are bad and should be shunned. Many of us are barely holding it together, or are spiraling out of control because we don’t know how to handle the feelings that are leaving us totally overwhelmed. Lori Gottlieb, a psychotherapist and author joins me and breaks down why we don’t have to run away from those taboo feelings of envy and jealousy. She explains how to communicate better and hold space for your partner or children and allow them to just be heard. This episode is packed with so much you may have to listen a second time.

 

Order Lori’s Latest Book, Maybe You SHould Talk to Someone: https://www.amazon.com/Maybe-You-Should-Talk-Someone-ebook/dp/B07BZ4F75T/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=Maybe+You+Should+Talk+to+Someone%3A+A+Therapist%2C+HER+Therapist&qid=1623870198&s=books&sr=1-1

 

SHOW NOTES:

Unreliable Narrator | Why your perspective isn’t the full story, it’s a faulty narrative [0:19]

Unknow Yourself | Lori helping people unknow the stories they keep repeating [1:32] Insight | Lori explains why insight without action is useless  [3:58]

Idiot Compassion | Lori breaks down what this is and why it doesn’t help [5:05]

Relationship Filter | Lori’s questions for examining people around you [6:45]

Change | Lori on why change is difficult because of uncertainty and loss [8:17]

5 Steps | 5 stages of change to making a permanent change in your life [9:08]

Change Anxiety | Getting through unfamiliar territory & anxiety with change [12:39]

Choosing to Suffer | Lori on why we don’t choose pain but we choose to suffer [14:06]

Numb the Pain | Distracting yourself from pain feeling overwhelmed [15:34]

Feeling Compass | Lori on using feelings as a compass to know what you want [17:13]

Negative Feelings | Why the way you deal with negative feelings matters most [19:28] Setting Intention | Lori on setting yourself up for a better day with confidence [22:55]

Transformation | Lori shares why tiny steps are so important in change [26:35]

Future Loss | Lori explains how change collapses the future & holds us back [32:18]

Unfinished Business | How cycles repeat when we don’t address past issues [35:30]

Selection | Lori confirms why selection is so important for healthy relationship [39:48]

Childhood Wounds | Lori on why you have to give up hope for better childhood [41:53]

Vulnerability | When someone opens up and how to navigate what they need [45:05

Understand | Why people need to be understood and heard, ask what they need [47:21]

 

QUOTES:

“my job as a therapist is to be an editor and to help people to edit these faulty narratives that they come in with.” [1:09]

 

“Where people can really grow and change and communicate better is to understand and be curious about the other person's part of the story, the other person's perspective.” [2:38]

“The fact that you're making the change, and that you were very human, and it was difficult sometimes, you're still on the path of success.” [11:49]

 

“When we are in pain, we do something that is going to make us suffer instead of something that is going to help us sit with the pain and move through it in a more healing kind of process.” [14:48]

 

“numbness isn't the absence of feelings. numbness is a sense of being overwhelmed by too many feelings.” [16:26]

 

“feelings are like a compass, they tell us what direction to go in [...] all of our feelings are so useful there, there are no bad feelings, they're all extremely useful” [17:13]

 

“there are no bad feelings. There are unfortunate ways that we deal with them.” [19:29]

 

“therapy is like getting a really good second opinion on your life from someone who's not already in your life.” [31:22]

 

“need a healthy person, be a healthy person, meet a healthy person, that's going to be a healthy relationship.” [39:23]

 

“people don't look for the qualities that are going to be important in a happy, lasting, loving relationship.” [40:18]

 

“we give them what we think they need in that moment based on what we might need in that moment. But we don't ask them, like, you know, how can I help in this moment?” [47:46]

 

“Can you sit with me in my sadness? Can you sit with me in my anxiety? Can you sit with me in my anger so that I can make sense of this?” [50:11]

 

 

Follow Lori Gottlieb:

Website: https://lorigottlieb.com/

Podcast: https://lorigottlieb.com/podcast/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/GottliebLori

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lorigottlieb_author/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/LoriGottlieb1